From March 2010 to October 2010, I abused doctor prescribed medication. Lortab, Hydrocodone, Vicodin. Pretty much anything I could find in an orange bottle. I had been feeling miserable for a very long time and convinced myself that the pills might help me feel better about the funk I had found myself in for many months. I would never consider myself an addict, however I would take the pills whenever I started to feel depressed. I'm honestly surprised that after visiting the doctor as many times as I did that he did not find any problem with me.
On October 12, something happened that completely changed my perspective. I had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn't really considering a new one at the time. But standing at my locker after 8th period Anatomy, a girl came up to me. I had seen her around school before but had never really had a long conversation. I could remember one instance in meeting her. (we were sitting in Kate Grimm's basement and she was freezing to death, so I did the chivalrous thing and gave her my jacket) Her name was Tess and she was a foreign exchange student from Brazil. She had been in the U.S. for the better part of 2 months at the time. I didn't even know anyone had approached my locked until she actually started speaking. But when she started talking, I could tell she was extremely nervous and scared. The first thing she did was wish me a happy birthday and gave me a card she had made. I wasn't expecting anything from my very closest friends, let alone a girl I had met once or twice before that day. After she gave me the card, she asked me if I would go to Santa Switch with her. (Her legs were actually shaking very violently at this point) I couldn't believe someone had asked me. I don't consider myself the hottest guy in school, yet I know I'm not terrible looking. I figure I'm just one of the guys that blends into the wall. And that's the exact reason why I was so shocked anyone was asking me, especially a pretty cute girl with a very sexy accent. Needless to say I accepted her offer. At this point, her entire body dropped with relief. I huge smile spread across her face and she thanked me and left on her way, skipping. The entire encounter was new to me. I'm not used to women being interested in me, so I didn't really know how to take the whole thing.
Skip forward to Santa Switch. We met at Tess's host family's house for pictures. (Mark and Elizabeth are great at what they do, btw. You need pictures taken, I suggest them.) We went to dinner with Matt Janowski, Lauren Longest, Collin Pfender, Kelsee Spells, Brandi Ball and Tate Dremstedt. Fast forward through the night to the after party at Kate Grimm's house. I had been having a great time and was really feeling an attraction to Tess. As we pulled into the vacant space behind Kate's house, a light snow was falling down. She was amazed. Coming from Brazil, she had never seen snow actually falling before and she was awe-struck by the weather. As we made our way into the house, she couldn't stop exclaiming about how pretty the snow was. She was so excited that she grabbed my hand and lead me inside, all the while looking up at the snow in excitement. It was at this point that felt something way more than friendship for her. The rest of the night was spent talking and laughing with friends. It was also spent by Tess laying her head on my shoulder and closing her eyes, trying to fall asleep. By the time we left, the snow had picked up and was now falling at a slightly heavier pace. However, Tess was no longer intrigued by the rain, but rather more me and we talked all the way back to her host family's house. As we pulled into the driveway, she told me how great of a time she had and was very glad she met people like me. She leaned in for a hug, but something inside me thought differently. Now, I'm not the epitome of manliness. I've had had only 4 girlfriends before Tess and to be completely honest, I had never kissed any of them. So there I was, and 18 year-old boy sitting in the driver's seat of my car, receiving the first kiss of my life from a girl I had met less than 4 months before. It wasn't a long, passionate, romantic, movie kiss, but I'm satisfied with the way it turned out. I remember seeing her closed eyes and the biggest smile I had ever witnessed. She finally opened her eyes after several seconds of silence, smiling the whole time. She said "Good night" and left. When I got home that night, I could only think of 2 things. The first one was how great that kiss felt and how excited I was to see Tess that next monday. (I would be receiving text messages from her for the next 5 hours talking about the kiss)
The second was about the pills I had been taking. I remember thinking about how since meeting Tess I hadn't taken anything! I had never even considered them until that moment when I reached for my tooth brush and knocked over a prescription bottle. I thought about how her outlook had effected me. She has such an addictive personality. Everyone thinks about their future careers and about how they want to be some practical: engineer, technician, teacher. And I believe that there is nothing wrong with these kinds of professions. If that is something you want to do, do it, and enjoy doing it. And that's the kind of thinking that Tess gave to me. She wants to study cinematography in college. How many people do you know that want to major in something like that? I believe that we sometimes think to logically and we disregard what we really want to do. Her outlook was so much brighter than I was used to. I didn't need the pills and I realized I never did.
There were 2 huge lessons I learned this year and these are them.
1.) No matter how hard you get hit, no matter how far you fall, there are constructive ways to dealing with stress and depression. Everyone has at least one friend to talk to in those situations, and I guarantee that person will not tell anyone else the problem you have. I didn't handle my situation in the right manner. I kept taking the pills despite the obvious effects drugs can have on the body. This was a "learn through error" thing for me. Don't let it happen to you.
2.) Every guy, find a girl. Every girl, find a guy. Think about how much the person has changed you. You'll be surprised at how far you've come. I know that a year ago, I was in one of the worst places in my life. Because I met her, I can say that I've changed for the better. I don't really know how to make it up to her. She's shown me more love and compassion than anyone I have ever known. After you've thought about how much that person has changed you, thank them for doing so. Let them know how much they mean to you.
